Somewhere between spending an extra hour after my weeknight lessons for Leo’s sweat to dry and being implored by my husband to cut back on the horse accouterments, I decided to do the exact opposite and get a set of clippers. A Christmas gift to myself. After a single [horse] body clip and one [dog] puppy clip, the clippers would more than pay for themselves and hubby gave his okay.
I was warned that this was an activity that would probably take me 4 - 5 hours. I did my best to respect that warning, but I’m also naturally unrealistically optimistic. I showed up around 11 and expected to be done in time for a nice hack before the barn Christmas party. Surprise, surprise, that didn’t happen.
A Collection of Thoughts as I worked through the body clip:
[starting] Wow, I’m so well prepared. I got ALL the accessories, watched all the youtube videos, this’ll be so easy!
[doing the legs] Oh my God, I’m so good at this. I could go pro. I’m gonna make so much extra money. I could pay for an entire show season.
Oh, Leo’s a little ticklish on his back legs but what a good boy! [gives multiple treats]
I can’t imagine clipping a horse that’s trying to kick me, thank gawd Leo’s soooo good. [more treats]
HOLD STILL DAMN IT.
My phone is dying… so no more music and I won’t even be able to Instagram this. 🙄 #whatseventhepointanymore
Wow this venti cold brew is getting to me. Why didn’t I bring snacks?
Blade is getting hot… better use that coolant stuff.
Coolant stuff is not that effective because I didn’t read the directions and was wiping it off immediately…
Horse’s lunch time - I’ll give him a quick break in his stall! Need to find human food…
Should I switch to the wider blade? But I’ve already done some of the body with the narrow blade… and I think they’re different hair lengths, but I’m not sure? WHY DON’T I KNOW ANYTHING?
Oh good, the fifth person has walked by and asked me if I’m almost done. Uhhh, no? It’s only been 3 hours!
I’m soo hungry
ahhh someone’s having a pizza delivered!! I’ll just casually hang around and see whose it is… [it was for someone who lived in the back of the property, so like, not shareable]
How are horse bellies so dirty? Probably because I never actually wash it…
Is it normal to feel like crying? Barnmate walked by and said yes.
I just have to make it somewhat presentable for the night. I’ll finish tomorrow!
Homemade horse treats are a perfectly reasonable snack in a pinch…
OH good, the left side took me about half the time as the right side… and shows it. I’ll fix it later!
just. need. to. get. the. armpits. done.
AHHH IT’S SOMEWHAT DONE. Like 91%. Minus the face.
If someone sees him from far away it won’t be that embarrassing for me, I can stop here for the day, right?
Alright, turning this bad boy out! Why did I think I would have time to ride…?
It looks like Leo felt about as relieved as I did when he got turned out *queue bucking party*. I was also informed that night at the Christmas party that the head groom had finished my ridiculous clip job by doing Leo’s face. I think this was either out of pity or embarrassment on his part - he couldn’t have Leo seen at the barn with the possibility that people might think he’s responsible. Either way, I brought donuts as a thank you, and we’re all better off for it. I’m still going to touch up Leo’s armpits and entire left side next Saturday. Pray for me.
No one would ever pay me to do this.